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Layla

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Joyeux Noel [25 Dec 2008|08:14pm]
Drinking wine, eating cheese, listening to Carla Bruni, being with family, Midnight sleeping
is my idea of happiness.
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[27 Oct 2008|06:27pm]
I cannot do this.
School is hard. I'm making the worse grades I ever have.
I don't have time to do the things I enjoy.
I have few real friends (nearby), and I even wonder about them at times.
Work is increasingly less enjoyable.
All the guys I am interested in like my friend.
I feel like I am always in the shadow.
I don't feel like I've been myself in a while.
My dad's health is poor, in fact he's in the hospital right now getting x-rays on his back. I am often late for school or work because I have to help take care of him. (not complaining about that, I would do it above all things)
Ashley's been living with me. And I see her too often. Even though I love her, it's just weighing on our friendship.


Note: I'm sure there are plenty of good things going for me as well, but I am of course only looking at the bad in this instance.
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[16 Aug 2008|11:16pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Despite an enjoyable day, I am not feeling so happy now. Feeling friendless and loverless. Usually I don't worry so much about not having a boyfriend.. but lately it seems like everyone and their mom has someone to hold at night. And I don't blame them.

Apart from that, I am exhausted.. and I haven't really been doing jack shit since I got back from France. My room has been a wreck since I emptied out my suitcases on the floor and I haven't taken care of any class business with LSU. I've been sick.. and I don't know if that's why I'm tired and sleeping too much, but I will use it as an excuse until I find out otherwise.

I kind of expect everyone to call me and go out of their way to see me since I've been gone for so long. But I guess it's my responsibility to get in touch with them.

I haven't even been a good drunk since I've been back. The one time I was close I came home and cried about France.

I am not adjusting well to life here.

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A little moment of euphoria [05 Aug 2008|06:21pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I am having such a good last day in France. I closed my bank account, bought some last minute gifts at the market, and saw this server that I have a crush on(people tell me he's gay, but I think they're mistaken). I was going to go up to him and talk to because I have nothing to lose since I leave tomorrow. But, he was too far ahead.. and I didn't feel like running.

As for last night.. Theo called around 9 but I didn't see him until midnight. He was at a friend's house and he and some friend's were drinking. First time to see him in 5 months.. and it was only for 4 hours, but oh so worth it. He went into a bedroom to pass out and I went to check on him and we ended up staying in there for a couple of hours talking. My french has improved so much and it was so amazing to be able to tell him everything I wanted. I told him that I regretted not realizing how much I cared for him until after he left. And he told me some things too.. most which escape me. I remember him starting a sentence "my sole regret is.." I think it was just that we didn't have enough time or somethinng. I'm mad I can't remember, I was slightly drunk but still. And he told me that he thinks everything is up to fate and so yeah it sucks that I'm going home but "that's life". And so I told him that yeah he is right.. life presents us with things that we cannot control, but also we have brains and can make decisions. So I am very content with everything. I feel like I said everything I needed to and he knows how I feel. And I would love to see him and see if things could work in the future but for now I'm going home. When I think about him and our relationship I smile because we always had fun ant it was healthy. Things were all new and fresh and never had time to go sour. Yes I'm sad that I don't know when I'll see him again.. but I refuse to think that it won't happen. And I'm just happy that I had the chance to meet him and be with him even if it was not for very long.

So this is it.. last night in Aix. I went to Julia's yoga class and so now my body is worthless. And I bought a steak haché that I don't really want at the moment. But it's my favorite food here and it will be quite some time until I have another.

So I feel accomplished. I came to France. And it took a while.. but I learned the language and I made friends I will never forget. I feel a twinge of sadess, but I am just as happy at the same time. I'm excited about the future and I feel like I can handle life. It's just gonna be weird and a little hard to pick up where I left off. I have a lot of decisions to make and not everything is going to be so dreamy anymore. But life has to recommence at some point. Here we go!

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[04 Aug 2008|05:34pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

Sooo I'm in Aix.. spent the afternoon walking around. It's such a beautiful city... but just not the same as it was when school was in. I did run into Kate and some of her friends. So that made me feel a little like it was my city. And some tourists asked me where the office of tourism was. I think they were relieved that I spoke english. I also bought two dresses. But after walking around for a few hours I'm pretty tired.. it is hot. Humidity and Louisiana.. I am not ready for you.

So now I'm chilling in Julia's house. It was so nice of her to let me stay here for my last two nights. So I think I'll just hang out here until dinner. And Théo is supposed to call me today because we're going out with his friends or something. And I don't have anyway to get in touch with him except facebook and that is driving me crazy. Cause I just have to wait for his call and my patience is that of a 5 year old right now. And of course I am making up scenarios in my head. He lost my number, he missed his plane, he's not gonna call me until way too late, or he's just not gonna call at all. Thank you, stupid boy, for having control over my mind. And he doesn't even know.

haha. The phone just rang. And I think my heart stopped for a second. But no sign of Monsieur Theo. haha It was my boss asking me if I ever used the washing machine and if it worked.

God, I had such an amazing time at Sainte Marie. How fucking cool? To live and work on a vineyard? I can't wait to develop my pictures. And I'm thinking about coming back next year to work all summer. That would be sweet. :) Oh France.. you stole my heart.

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Hey home, I see you! [02 Aug 2008|04:14pm]
Qu'est-ce que je vais faire quand je rentre et je ne peux plus parler le francais?

So I met one of my best friends in France at the very end of my stay. And she is middle aged. It's quite an interesting match up. But she is just one of those genuine average joe people that is so kind hearted.

I've been talking about coming home to people a LOT and I'm so effing excited! It's such a bizarre mix of sadness and utter joy. I think they call that bittersweet.

madsorad: i miss aic
madsorad: aix
madsorad: my dorm room
madsorad: isnt that weird?
madsorad: it was so cozy
godly208: it was cozy
godly208: but it was shit
godly208: you'll get back into your room soon
madsorad: with a charming view
godly208: and you'll love it
godly208: with a midnight kitty
madsorad: midnight
madsorad: one of the fish is still alive
madsorad: but i cant remember which one
godly208: whoa!
madsorad: tawny?
godly208: i bet it's tawny
godly208: freak big ole fish
madsorad: yeah i think burt got sick
madsorad: the death sick
godly208: hahah
godly208: i mean
godly208: that's sad
madsorad: not so much
madsorad: fish die
madsorad: and they don't purr
godly208: not at all

Il ne faut jamais dire adieu, cela porte malheur.
You should never say "farewell" because it's bad luck. (sounds a lot better in french)
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Toute seule! [20 Jul 2008|09:28am]
[ mood | bored ]

So it's really strange doing everything by myself. I didn't realize how much I liked human interaction until now. I look forward to work more than ever here cause it's my chance to talk to people. Tourists or frenchies alike. It just beats sitting at my computer which I've been doing WAY too much lately. But I think I've done most activities that your supposed to do with other people by myself now. Like.. going out to eat, going to the beach, going to the movies, going to the Circus(haha yes I went to the circus last night). I think I'm going to watch Dumbo cause I have it dubbed in french! But yeah, I'm not complaining.. it's just different. I feel like I should be writing books or becoming an artist with all this free time living in this beautiful place. And I really should be taking advantage of this experience more. I wish I had a camera to take tons of pictures of the vines and the wine and the countryside. I bought a disposable one which is almost used up. But if you have any suggestions of what I should do please let me know. I know this is a once in a life time thing and I'm letting is slip by.. rather slowly I might add. Where are the flippin tourists? It's supposed to be peak season and I wanna sell that wine!

My situation is: house in the country with lots of grape vines, the sea is 20 minutes away, closest village is 3km away, St. Tropez and other towns are like 20 to 30 minutes away, I usually have car access and don't work a ton

So now you can give me suggestions! I think I'm basically talking to Ashley and Margo cause I don't know if anyone else reads my lj.

4 comments|post comment

Francey Pants [13 Jul 2008|08:28am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

So I forgot about my livejournal. But it's still here! So hey you guys, if you're reading this. Most of you probably know that I'm working on a vineyard in France. So I'm going to rant a little.

Most customers or people in general assume that I am English because of my accent. Yesterday I had a client who wasn't really rude to me, but not nice either. I didn't understand exactly what he was asking me and he seemed annoyed even though I told him I wanted to know what he was saying. So he changes the subject after a while and asks "How's the weather in England?" Which is kind of a silly question anyway cause if I'm living in France I probably don't check the weather for somewhere I'm not living. And I reply that I don't know because I'm from the U.S. Then his attitude changed and he's like oh wow you're far from home. I think french people find americans to be more exotic than europeans. Which kinda makes sense since there are less. But anyway, this was the first time that I've had trouble with french in a while and it really made me mad. I've been living here for over 9 months, its like wtf why can't I speak the language. But, after all it was just one instance and everyone else has been nice and I haven't really had any other issues lately..

And currently I'm translating my boss' website into english which makes me feel rather accomplished. I used to have to do this in school and struggled, now it's a lot easier and I'm getting paid for it. YAY

It's a really beautiful day in Provence and I wish that the pool was clean so I could go swimming. Maybe next week!

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[25 Feb 2007|03:50am]
I never stepped on the cracks 'cause I was afraid I'd hurt my mother.
1 comment|post comment

[22 Jan 2007|04:34am]
[ mood | complacent ]

Two things that always cheer me up:

-My cat, Midnight
-Hockey

I've been having a lot of ups and downs lately, but I realized today that I am always happy when going to and from hockey. Even when we lose it's still something that I enjoy and makes me forget about le real world.
And Midnight is just amazing because he doesn't judge me or try to rationalize, like friends and family sometimes do.

Today I won $125 dollars in a betting pool for the Saints-Bears game. I bet 4 squares ($5 a piece) and so I made $105 which is a pretty sweet profit. So now because I got lucky and won some monies I will probably become a compulsive gambler. Nay..

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[01 Nov 2006|06:54pm]
Sometimes I eat candy corn until I feel sick..
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Sorry... [21 Aug 2006|01:42am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

So I just realized today that I am always sorry. Well I am sorry that I am always sorry. But I think it's time to stop. I shouldn't be sorry if I feel a certain way and I shouldn't be sorry if you overreact. I just can't feel guilty and like things are always my fault anymore. SO what if they are. I'm not sorry!

Can I apologize?

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[16 Aug 2006|02:50am]
All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day.. put the pieces back together my way.
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KRYPTONITE [28 Jun 2006|03:48am]
[ mood | awake ]

So um.. not a lot is up. I've been doing well lately... besides getting mugged. Trying not to let that consume my thoughts anymore. Lease ends next month so I'm moving home. I'm sure it will be fine because I get to see my family(Midnight included) and my parents have made many upgrades to the house since I moved out(i.e. wireless internet). However, I will definitely miss "living on my own" and being so close to school and stumbling to the bus stop in the morning. I'm not sure how I'll get to school since I still do not have a car. But truthfully I really don't want one- even though I complain about it regularly. I'm pretty sure my friends(Elizabeth & David) would be ecstatic if I did invest in one though... but sorry. We saw Superman tonight.. tres good. Why are there birds chirping right now? I know it's 4am but the sun will not be up for another 2 hours. If anyone is looking for good reading material I suggest A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole.

Goodnight!

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[09 Jun 2006|04:56am]
It's too bad I rediscovered Yahoo! Towers. Stupid summer. Now I am going to play obsessively until all I see when I close my eyes at night is colored blocks shifting and disappearing.
PS: You should try it, it's really fun.
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[31 May 2006|09:37pm]
So today my phone committed suicide. It chose a water death.
Puts me in quite a pickle. No phone til Monday.
So if anyone wants to give me their digits I sure would apreesh!

thank you for your thoughts and prayers,
Maddie
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[31 May 2006|02:38am]
So, as it turns out, I am still a child. And at this age, not knowing what I want or what is in store for me is probably the best thing about it.
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[08 May 2006|08:34pm]
godly208: haha hey
godly208: that was me studdering not laughing
Cherryice86: haha i loled
godly208: good
godly208: i thought you would
godly208: so
godly208: whats kicking?
Cherryice86: j,gfggfg
godly208: uh oh
Cherryice86: cha doin
godly208: oh going over to your apt
Cherryice86: while your on the computarrrrr?
godly208: pretty neat huh?
Cherryice86: yeah
Cherryice86: you better bring some notes for studying
Cherryice86: cause thats what im all about
godly208: french?
godly208: i'm good at that
Cherryice86: and if you do a real good job i will reward you with movie!
Cherryice86: no!
Cherryice86: BOLOGY!~
godly208: ewww
godly208: iwell
godly208: i'm BETTER at BIO
godly208: oh but thats not what your studying
godly208: you're studing, BOLOGY?
godly208: hmm never taken that class
Cherryice86: its similiar!
godly208: maybe i'll be good at it
Cherryice86: but you can only get a C, D, or F in it
godly208: aww thats my kind of class!
Cherryice86: yeah I HOPE I GET A C!
godly208: YAH!
Cherryice86: yepp
godly208: YEAH!
godly208: GOOOO MADDIE C!
Cherryice86: MCM!
Cherryice86: you're GOofy david!
godly208: hahaha
godly208: thats just your spice girls name "MADDIE C"
godly208: spice
godly208: ...
godly208: nope doesnt work
Cherryice86: or M C Hammer
godly208: HAHAHHA

godly208: perfect
Cherryice86: parfait!
godly208: nobodoy dont liek parfait
Cherryice86: shut your!
godly208: well i'm almost to your apt
Cherryice86: I dON"T BELiEVE IT
godly208: BELIEVE THAT!
godly208 signed off at 8:29:32 PM.
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why am I so funny? [16 Apr 2006|11:22pm]
David: Man, that is some booty!
Me: I know, I got it from a pirate ship.
1 comment|post comment

[16 Apr 2006|09:01pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

When will I stop grieving over the loss of my camera?

2 comments|post comment

Be happy [16 Apr 2006|12:37am]
I just want to live my life and enjoy it.
Stress free.
But
The second I stop worrying about anything- I forget everything. And I become selfish. And hurt people.
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[14 Apr 2006|01:13am]
Well maybe i'm just too young
To keep good love from going wrong
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[31 Mar 2006|02:12pm]
My birthday was amazing. Thanks to my friends. I don't know if everyone had as much fun as me, because a few people got sick.
But anyhow today is another day and I need to stop skipping class on Friday.

Final Four party tomorrow at the parents on the plasma.
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[17 Mar 2006|10:44pm]
So I just found out it was St. Patrick's Day. I didn't even get pinched.
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confus ED [07 Mar 2006|02:12am]
I am off my rocker.
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Tupello was my baby! [06 Mar 2006|12:30am]
You have to see the documentary The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill. It is the best thing I have seen in many moons.
And all of you retards from game night need to download the song Golden Slumbers because I am disappointed that you haven't heard it. The Ben Folds version is good too.
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gone pecan [27 Feb 2006|04:58pm]
there go my roommate! just kiddin.
1 comment|post comment

[19 Feb 2006|06:16pm]
yeah you look good, but can you walk like a model?
1 comment|post comment

[16 Feb 2006|03:59am]
no one said it would be easy
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"why are they called swedish fish?" [15 Feb 2006|01:27am]
DO:
-Find a major that only requires 2 Englishes
-Write your English paper
-Succeed in life
-Make lots of tips

DON'T:
-Stay up all night
-Be sick
-Be Depressed
1 comment|post comment

je ne comprend pas [02 Feb 2006|04:32am]
I can't imagine being trapped in a tank with only one other person./fish.
2 comments|post comment

[29 Jan 2006|12:22am]
I dreamt that fish were talking to me. And I listened.
3 comments|post comment

sleep is my escape [25 Jan 2006|06:15pm]
I want to be happy.
I want you to be happy.
5 comments|post comment

Maddie's Favorite Things [18 Jan 2006|10:56pm]
1. Sleeping
2. Eating
3. Back Massages

my happiness in a nutshell
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[04 Jan 2006|12:06am]
I'm hurting.
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