Layla (mads0330) wrote,
Layla
mads0330

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A little moment of euphoria

I am having such a good last day in France. I closed my bank account, bought some last minute gifts at the market, and saw this server that I have a crush on(people tell me he's gay, but I think they're mistaken). I was going to go up to him and talk to because I have nothing to lose since I leave tomorrow. But, he was too far ahead.. and I didn't feel like running.

As for last night.. Theo called around 9 but I didn't see him until midnight. He was at a friend's house and he and some friend's were drinking. First time to see him in 5 months.. and it was only for 4 hours, but oh so worth it. He went into a bedroom to pass out and I went to check on him and we ended up staying in there for a couple of hours talking. My french has improved so much and it was so amazing to be able to tell him everything I wanted. I told him that I regretted not realizing how much I cared for him until after he left. And he told me some things too.. most which escape me. I remember him starting a sentence "my sole regret is.." I think it was just that we didn't have enough time or somethinng. I'm mad I can't remember, I was slightly drunk but still. And he told me that he thinks everything is up to fate and so yeah it sucks that I'm going home but "that's life". And so I told him that yeah he is right.. life presents us with things that we cannot control, but also we have brains and can make decisions. So I am very content with everything. I feel like I said everything I needed to and he knows how I feel. And I would love to see him and see if things could work in the future but for now I'm going home. When I think about him and our relationship I smile because we always had fun ant it was healthy. Things were all new and fresh and never had time to go sour. Yes I'm sad that I don't know when I'll see him again.. but I refuse to think that it won't happen. And I'm just happy that I had the chance to meet him and be with him even if it was not for very long.

So this is it.. last night in Aix. I went to Julia's yoga class and so now my body is worthless. And I bought a steak haché that I don't really want at the moment. But it's my favorite food here and it will be quite some time until I have another.

So I feel accomplished. I came to France. And it took a while.. but I learned the language and I made friends I will never forget. I feel a twinge of sadess, but I am just as happy at the same time. I'm excited about the future and I feel like I can handle life. It's just gonna be weird and a little hard to pick up where I left off. I have a lot of decisions to make and not everything is going to be so dreamy anymore. But life has to recommence at some point. Here we go!
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